Wednesday, January 30, 2013
lazy to come up with title cuz this movie suck so insert one here yourself: Splatter University (1984)
starring: Forbes Riley, Ric Randig, Dick Biel
As if it's bad enough I have to go through varying bad garbage thrown at me, I got to see Splatter University under the impression that it's so bad that it's good, and that some peeps out there actually give this movie a little credit. But after ten minutes into the movie, and me checking out the box and found out Troma released it (Oh shit!), it all made perfect sense to me why some slasher fans out there hated it.
A Mental patient de-groins and cuts the throat of an orderly before escaping to to freedom. Cut in three years later where a School Campus' teacher got murdered one late night by the same crazed loonie. Cue a replacement teacher who tires her best to teach a class of obnoxious, dumb and/or sleazy students, who's reaction to someone dying is often followed by a witty (?) or sarcastic remark. But as more bodies pile up on top of the other, more inept dialogue follows and a race to find the identity of the killer before it's too late!
For me, it was too late; right before the whole movie started, I've been bombarded by the most annoying cast I'd seen, along with the dumbest script and acting I ever laid my eyes on, so is it really a big surprise I can't stand this? I know slasher films aren't the brightest sub-genre to begin with, but I think there's a difference between being cheesy and over doing it. When being cheesy actually makes you laugh at the un/intentional corniness of the movie, but am I the only one who's a little unnerved that the male cast here doesn't give a bat's eye that they're girlfriends are dying off one by one? (one was pregnant, by the way) Now that's just sexually bias, mates, and I don't like Sexual Bias with no reason behind it. (Night School (1981), for one, had plenty of female victims cuz *spoileralert*the killer's a jealous lover*) Gore is good, though, so I'll give it a star for that, but the rest, I'm better off jumping into a woodchipper than watch this garbage all over again!
Or on a lighter suggestion, re-watch Woodchipper Massacre! Which has the similar feeling of going through a woodchipper, only funnier!
1 male knife to the groin, throat cut
1 female knife to the chest
1 female forehead cut with knife (wait, whut?)
1 female throat cut with knife
1 female found with throat cut
1 female knife to the gut
1 female knife to the mouth
1 female back sliced open with knife