Thursday, July 2, 2015

Oddly Skullish Masks: The Redwood Massacre (2014)

The Redwood Massacre (United Kingdom, 2015)
Rating: **
Starring:  Mark Wood, Lisa Cameron, Lisa Livingstone

Strangely, while I found nothing worthy from this film and wasting an hour and a half of my day, I also cannot dismiss this movie. Why is that?

The story is nothing new; five campers decided to hang out in the woods for the usual bonding experience, only there appears to be some sort of love triangle within the three that leads to absolutely nothing. Why? Because there's a burlap sack-wearing killer out in the forest killing people for...the sake of killing people . (Not much is really given to what motivates this maniac save for a campfire tale about a farmer who'd gone bonkers and murdered-cannibalized his family with an axe.)

The totality of the film then follows the remaining campers (a bitchy girlfriend and a dull-looking good girl) walking through the woods to find their friends, all the while one of said pals escapes and tries to evade his killer, getting other people murdered along the way. Sad thing about this shindig was that it's barely exciting and the resulting scares and killings were dull, repetitive and overdone.

Each kill was done away with a gratuitous blood splashes and stock sound clips, but they lack any real creativity that a good slasher film should possess. While I normally do not mind repeated use of the same murder weapon or method of said murder, the only time I feel this way for a horror film is when the story was engaging and, sadly, this film failed to establish any likable or strong characters to begin with. They just let the maniac show his oddly molded burlap-sacked face and start a massacring these folks without much of giving us time to establish ourselves with them.

Still, I admire the effort made to make these killings as shocking as possible; The Redwood Massacre was a chore to watch as sack-head goes Hostel on us and toys with some his victims before ending their lives, but I can tell the people behind this film wanted more. The problem with this was that the execution of these scenes needed work; the killer's body language was a little confused, some scenes are prolonged for the sake pf padding, and the victims react to their demise very oddly.

With no twist in the end or any shock value that works, the film is simply about campers trying to survive a night at the woods and barnyard which is now the hunting ground of a psycho. The Redwood Massacre is passable as a low-budget splatterfest that's really just in it for the grue and nothing much, if you're the kind of sick camper who's into this, give this one a try.

1 female knifed on the gut, hacked to death with an axe
1 female killed offscreen
1 male hacked to death with an axe
1 female hacked with an axe, disemboweled
1 girl beheaded with an axe
1 boy hacked to death with an axe
1 female knifed to death
1 male had his forehead sawed open with a hacksaw
1 female hacked to death with an axe
1 female stabbed with a saw, disemboweled
1 male stabbed to death with a saw
1 male punched through the gut
1 male had his throat slashed with a saw
1 male crushed with falling cars
Total: 14

A Clunky Zombie's Night Out: Jonah Lives (2012)

Boys and girls, it's that time again!
In today's episode, we look into the religious life of being a dumb ass and the consequences of not knowing how to handle one undead. For now I present to you...

Jonah Lives (2012)
Rating: 0
Starring:  Brinke Stevens, Jocelyn Padilla, Ryan Boudreau

Now, here is one thing I notice about slasher movies: the reason why a group of teens get slaughtered by a single killer is because they always split up, leaving one or two victims alone and ripe for the killer's picking. It's a dumb move to begin with givenin their situation, which is why many of us root for said killer cuz, let's face it, some of these people aren't going to contribute much in the future. (except, maybe, legalize marijuana or something)

So with this said, humor me this: we got six teenagers in a basement and a non-runner, non-flesh munching zombie skulking the basement hall. Count it again, six teenagers. Against one robot walking zombie. And five of these teenagers died at the end of the film.

Is this how dumb movie victims are getting nowadays?

Jonah Lives tells the story of six teenagers who decided to hang out at their friend's basement while their parents and other grownups have a livelier party of their own in the house. Growing bored of playing poker, they further exploit their stupidity by playing with an Ouija board in hopes of talking to a spirit. All of this happening while one of them kept bitching about how messed up this is going to be cuz they'll be dealing with "devil stuff", making me, a sort-of Christian, embarrassed of the religion I grew up with and further forcing me to accept religious skepticism.

Their board picked up the spirit of one Hanoj Jonah, a man who was recently murdered by his money-hungry wife. Jonah tells them that he wanted revenge so he crawled out of his grave and lumbers his way to the party, to start killing off the kids because of...revenge?

I'm not even sure if Jonah is all that focused on this revenge scheme; I mean seriously, why is he killing the teenagers when halfway to the film, it was revealed that one of the character's mum, who happens to be at the party upstairs, was the one who killed Jonah and took his moolah. Further more, our dead guy seems to notice this but spends the film up until the last act, chasing these teenagers and killing them. Is he avenging his sleep, or was he really just that pissed off for being dead that he can't tell who's guilty or not?

This isn't the only problem of Jonah Lives; the characters themselves are established to be religious in some way and yet, this never went anywhere except for that one guy who refused to play.Strangely enough, he was the first to go! So were the producers trying to make them likable cuz they're holy and shit? So when they die we feel for them? Well, it doesn't work! Apart from their implied holiness, they're still bland, annoying, lacking any real personality, and above all, dumb.

Again, six teenagers, against a clunky zombie. I guess I can understand that the first guy has to bite it since he didn't saw ole Jonah coming. What were the rest's excuse? Five against one zombie! Which they outran more than once! Heck, they even got as far as to the basement door before the site of the zombie spooked them back into running! Seriously, I will be freaked out too when I see my first zombie! I would have ran as well but these guys saw it more than once, you ought they would have wise up and thought up a plan to CUT the zombie's head off! (they got tools in that basement and not one of them thought of picking one up!)

So with all of these religious mumbo-jumbo and teenagers that were perfect candidate for the Darwin Horror Awards, is there at least something good Jonah Lives offered? Seeing this is the director's first film, not really: editing is "music video inspired" in a lack of a better term, the special effects is cheap, the story is dull and outrageous, the acting is overdone, Jonah's make-up looked too clean to be scary, pacing is terrible, what else can I say? It belongs right up to my bottomless bottom where I shall digest it in pain and excruciatingly shit back because that is precisely what this film is and just did!

I might be a little harsh about this film as it is, after all, a directorial debut. These new directors are trying so hard to make their slashers unique that they're overdoing it and the result is anything but fun. Jonah Lives? Shove it back to the grave! If you guys want a religiously themed slasher flick, I recommend End of the Line or Bloody Bloody Bible Camp for that matter. least these titles are focused...

1 male bludgeoned with a baseball bat
1 male suffers an asthma attack
1 male bashed on the head with a sledgehammer
1 female had her neck bitten open
1 male had an arm lopped off with a shovel, brained
1 female killed offscreen
Total: 6

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Thor's Exit: Bludgeoned (2002)

Bludgeoned (2002) (AKA "No Tomorrow")
Rating: ***
Starring: Gary Houston, Marisa Juliette Dugas, Brendan Hutt

Little heard or seen, meet a possible StickyRed exclusive, about a boy, his hero, and a book.

Rick Carpenter is a high schooler with an obsession for violence unlike many; while some retreats to their violent fantasies via movies or video games, Rick finds comfort in expressing his darkest dreams through writing inspired by his single, most favorite book, Thor's Exit.

His passion for the book lead him to attend the author-turned-creative writing teacher Michael Christman's class, but was disappointed when he found out his hero cared very little for the book. This breaks him into picturing the book's titular anti-hero, Thor (or as the villain prefers, Maluch) to appear whenever he dreams, further fueling his already deranged state. As this days become harder and more grueling, the more he contemplates in whether life is really nothing more but a dream and that he himself have the power to be whatever he wants it to be all along.

With a story like this, it's less of a slasher movie and more of an angst-filled coming of age drama; while the horror elements are ever present, they're mostly dreams and visions that are in rick's head and much of it seems to be building up to something powerful and violent. Because of this, majority of the play time had us watching one disturbed kid go through life through his eyes, which is really nothing more than random tidbits of events, may it be good or bad.

It works in a level as the acting around its casts are pretty decent for a low-budget thriller, and the development of Rick's psychosis did kept me glued to see how bad will he end up once he grabs that hammer.

Unfortunately, this is actually where Bludgeoned disappoints; for a movie that appears to be focusing on a young adult's sick dreams of becoming like his homicidal book hero, the big payoff felt like more should have been done for it. While we did have some deserving victims falling to Rick's madness, this was all packed in the last act of the story that very little was done and more deserving candidates for his bludgeoning were left alone in an open ending. While we all can assume he had gone to them at the end of the movie, it wouldn't hurt to have a few more crushed skulls and broken bones seeing that the film is being marketed as a horror flick. Then again, it could just be me.

I'm not going to lie, while I did enjoyed watching this as an intrigued character study, I can't recommend it to just anyone as I can tell this is for a selected taste. I would go and even say May (2002) is a better candidate to satisfy your teen drama-thriller-horror cravings but if you love obscurities with some potential of watchability, give Bludgeoned (or No Tomorrow as it is called in some release) a go. That is if you can find it.

1 male ran through with a sledgehammer's handle (dream)
1 male bludgeoned with a sledgehammer (dream)
1 male brained with a claw hammer
1 male bludgeoned to death with a sledgehammer
1 female found mangled down the stairs
1 male bludgeoned with a sledgehammer
1 male bludgeoned to death with a sledgehammer
Total: 7

Backpackers Spare Ribs: Charlie's Farm (2014)

Charlie's Farm (Australia, 2014)
Rating: ***
Starring:  Tara Reid, Nathan Jones, Kane Hodder

Charlie's Farm came into my interest while I was browsing for new horror releases back at 2013. I stumble upon one of its promotional artwork, which features one would assume as Charlie, sitting triumphantly at a mound of skulls whilst other slasher icons lay dead around him.

Now, they're actually crowning him as horror's new king. New king!

Now, I will go as far as say that he might have a chance against Leatherface, Mick Taylor and Michael Myers (Let's face it guys, Michael Myers may have survived gunfire but he is still human. The only reason he lived to star for the sequels was because no one ever tried decapitating him. Which is why I kinda cheered at the end of Halloween H20...don't hate me), but Jason Voorhees? The guy who literally just came back from the dead out of pure will in Freddy vs Jason? Or Freddy for that matter?! Literally a demon that haunts and kills you in your dreams!

Perhaps it was to hype us up on how badass new movie monster is gonna be and after seeing it, he kinda is but he lacked something...

Charlie's Farm is stripped down to the basic slasher bone as this is really nothing more than another gory take on the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a bit of Madman (1982); A local legend tells of a family that once lived in the titular farm at the outbacks. The family consisted of a deranged cannibal couple and their mentally handicapped son, hunting down those that strayed too near to their farm. When the townsfolk had enough of their evil ways, they murdered the couple but they decided to leave their boy Charlie for dead, believing that he couldn't survive in the wilderness on his own.

Some say the boy never really did existed, others believe he is still alive, slaying people over the years, but four backpackers decided to visit the infamous barn just for that sense of thrill and for curiosity's sake. Despite the warnings of the townsfolk, they did find the barn, along with a seven foot tall, machete wielding hulking wild man that have been feeding off whatever he could catch and yes, that includes humans.

Long story short, they're monumentally screwed.

Clocking at a good 88 minutes, Charlie's Farm is a gory throwback to 80s slasher, with a story so simple that it sticks pretty focused on building up to the killer's arrival and the slaughtering of these four thrill seekers. (Well, six thanks to some last minute additions, literally just there to add up the kill count) For the first half hour, we get the basic cliches of one-dimensional characters, them upsetting the locals, and campfire tales being shared, telling the story of Charlie and his family (who hardcore horror fans would easily recognize the father as the legendary Bill Moseley). It's down to basic build-up that does very little but to pad some running time but thankfully, the characters were not all too bad as personalities. Just as plain as dried nuts.

After finding the barn, finishing the rest of Charlie's story and getting their first hand encounter of the local boogeyman (though dismissed as a dream) the real action starts once the gang decided to split in two groups to explore the place a little better and Charlie himself finally arrives in the flesh; advertised as 7-feet tall and weighs 375 lbs, imagine Rob Zombie's Michael Myers in H2, only more hobo, more animal, and sports a weird back deformity where it looked like his spine is showing. Not really the look I have in mind for our new horror king but at least strongman Nathan Jones (of the 2015 Mad Max movie) looked kinda cool in a manic cannibal hobo way, plus his character wields an odd looking weapon that resembles a saw-toothed machete crossed with a billhook, that had to count for something!

Around this part, the film showcased its effects work and it was one of the best I'd seen in a slasher flick this year. While there's a few CG assist, majority of the killings were done with traditional latex and camera tricks, including a lot of impalements (and unimpaling), body parts being ripped out, and a nasty castration. The fun thing about this was that it was worth the wait and the absence of any real character development; Charlie, as I mentioned, was pure badass and he knows it. Not only is he big and ugly, but he can take a lot of damage and even beckons some characters to take their best shot at him. (and one of said characters was Jason Voorhees unmasked himself, Kane Hodder!) he is that smug and I believe this film is no more than a star vehicle for a possible new horror icon. Did it worked though?

I'll be honest, the killings are cool and the man-monster is cool, but the lack of any original plotting or strong leads to root for made this film kinda pointless unless you (like me at some time) are just in it for the gore. It could be a new cult classic, much like how Laid to Rest and Hatchet seems to have gathered some small following despite their bare-bone stories but Charlie's Farm can be easily replaced as a viewing choice by a ton other similarly premised horror flicks like the Wrong Turn (or most likely, Wrong Turn 2). And yet, I'm not going to easily dismiss this film; it has potential from a solid direction to great gore effects (though the lighting could use some work) and I am looking forward for any further franchising featuring this cannibal hobo since he is reason enough to watch this film.

Close to mediocre yet far from bad, the movie is a good rental choice for those lonesome nights where you crave for bloody chunks on your simplictic horror stories; a movie made simply to star a maniac just for the maniacs inside all of us! Love it or hate it, you can't go wrong with a single visit to Charlie's Farm!

1 male beheaded with a saw-toothed billhook
1 female ran through and disemboweled with a saw-toothed billhook
1 male and 1 female mentioned murdered, pieces of them seen
1 female seen disemboweled
1 male shot on the head with a hunting rifle
1 female bludgeoned to death
1 male hacked to death with an axe
1 female had her head crushed with a tractor wheel
1 male castrated with a saw-toothed billhook, chocked on a severed groin
1 female had her jaw ripped off
1 male clawed on the throat
1 male nearly beheaded with a hunting knife
1 male gets a thrown hatchet to his back
1 female ran through and disemboweled with a hunting rifle
Total: 15

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Good, Evil and Something about Vengeance: River of Darkness (2011)

River of Darkness (2011)
Rating: *1/2
Starring: Kurt Angle, S. William Hinzman, Kevin Nash 

Before we begin this review, take a quick gander at this movie's box art. Do you see a very action-y wrestling icon Kurt Angle? Do you see that badass gun? Do you see those monstrous eyes foreshadowed at the background? Did you thought this was gonna be a slasher movie? Did you? Did You?!  ANSWER ME!

Sadly, there's no badass soldier versus beastie going at each other in this waste! In fact, there's barely much action going on at all! Just some fishing folks doing tons of exposition while being haunted by a trio of John Carpenter's The Fog rejects who are out to murder those responsible for their unjust deaths. I'm not even sure of what else was I supposed to expect from this as the whole plot is so bare bone basic that you can see a lot of things from afar!

I mean, I just sat through Kurt Angle being the world's most unresponsive sheriff and a whole lot of other yahoos who kept talking about God and vengeance beyond the grave and random vagrants being blamed for a young girl's rape. (That last bit's a spoiler. You're welcome!) What's worse is that the scripting isn't faring any better! No character is all that developed and all we got is one dumb-arse to the next trying their best to be red herrings and meat for the murders. Some, in a form of miracle, succeeded in these roles while others are just plain forgettable. I know acting is not always a slasher movie's highest sell point but EFFORT! If you want dramatics and well defined characters, a little effort goes a long way! But, hey! What else would you expect from, not one, but three wrestling icons?

...Well, seeing that wrestling is fake and it fooled a lot of people thinking it was real in the 80s, I guess a lot! Kane did pretty well as Jacob Goodnight in them See no Evil films but he was tackling the role of a (mostly) mute psycho, much like Kevin Nash and Sid Vicious in this film. Kurt Angle is supposed to be this fish-out-of water sheriff who knows little about the town's dark secret. A secret I'm sure most of you viewers would have known given you're as obsessed with slasher movies as I am.

What's more painful is that we get a hundred and five minutes of this bad acting, sashimi-thin plot, and yet as a slasher it hardly delivered what it could have been its saving point: the kills! Let me see, I got a count of eight dead ones with a bonus "kill" at someone's dream. Many are killed with axes, some with a curved machete (or kukri if you want to be more specific) and then we got three offcamera murders, really worth the rent money!

Now, I will give points for the film's crisp camera quality and their attempt to stray away with the assorted slasher movie cliches and mix in your usual murder-mystery ghost flick schtick but was it all worth it in the end? Did it have a climax that beats all the negativity this film suffers from? Nope, just a weak gunfight against Angle and three supernatural undeads with the power to teleport and are pretty much immortal. No explosions. No monstrous rage. Just mannequin-esque zombies teleporting in and out while fish-out-of-water sheriff tries to shoot them. I wasted nearly two hours for that?!
Hopefully one of the producers...
If I could only get back all the wasted brain cells killed off by this garbage, I will use it to stop myself and watch something else better. John Carpenter's The Fog is an obvious replacement choice but I think I'll go with pretty much any other slasher or horror flick for this one's case. Heck, I would even watch a Troma movie and, considering my love-hate relationship with those films, it is a big of a deal!

1 female disemboweled with a kukri
1 male killed, later found impaled on hooks
1 male ran through the chest with a fishing gaft
1 male hacked to death with axes
1 male stabbed on the chest with a kukri, hacked with an axe, (dream)
1 female pulled into the water, killed
1 girl drowned offcamera
1 male axed on the head
1 male shot on the head with a rifle, hacked with axes
Total: 9

Monday, June 22, 2015

Undead Satanist in Spandex: Grave Robbers (1990)

Grave Robbers (Ladrones De Tumbas) (Mexico, 1990)
Rating: ****
Starring:  Fernando Almada, Edna Bolkan, Erika Buenfil

Just when you thought 80s Mexican slashers couldn't get any crazier!

It appears the churches in middle age Spain had to deal with Satanic traitors among them as one tried to impregnate a virgin within the catacombs of their own sacred ground. Luckily, Satanic Padre's God-fearing brethren came to stop him in time and gave him the ole' middle ages torture treatment until he admits his pact with the Devil.

Seeing his soul is far from saving, the priests did what any holy man would do: curse a battle axe to hold his spirit trapped in his rotting body for eternity, until some curious idiot takes it out and free him to continue his murderous spree. Not exactly the most Christian thing I'd seen so far but hey, I'd seen worse!

So we now fast-forward to the present (or the late 80s, evident from the bouncy frizzy hair and mullets) where a gang of teenagers decided to ransack a local grave after finding out that it might have hidden valuables that they could sell off. So instead of partying that night like any normal teeners would, these kids hopped into dug graves and secret passages to find that there are indeed treasures to be found, including that of an antique battle axe curiously stuck on a corpse's chest cavity.

And wouldn't you know it, they pulled it out.

Unknowingly releasing a now-undead murderous Satanist (in spandex!), the gang soon became immediate victims for the revenant's murder spree, along with the usual cops, girls partying in the woods, and one priest who knows what's going on. Will anyone be safe from the tights-wearing zombie axe murderer? Only an old cop and the standard virginal final girl would know!

So as you can see, Grave Robbers is a pretty standard slasher with a few creative and highly entertaining quirks that put a spin to your usual slasher film tropes. While Satanic rituals isn't entirely new for this sub-genre in the 80s, as films like Midnight (1982) and Hack-o-Lantern(1987) used this backdrop as their killer's motive, none of them had the cheesy feel and execution as Grave Robbers did with its villain; while the aforementioned films utilize the cult through simple rites, this film decided to put some supernatural action into its foray by letting its killer use other powers such as telekinesis, teleportation, regeneration, transmutation with his surroundings, and in one utterly gory scene, the ability to disembowel a victim from the inside of their own gut. Think of it as that 80s witch slasher gorefest Superstition (1982), only with a balanced scale between of what is a slasher and what is a supernatural gore flick. There's also a bit of Omen (1976) influence going on as Spandex Satanist tries to impregnate a virgin victim in hopes of releasing the Antichrist to the mortal world and just like that 70s classic, the climax involved our heroes trying to stop him before it is too late, with an additional fist fights!

Not much to say about the acting as they do come out okay as far as cheesy lines are concerned. Much like most slasher victims, they don't stick around pretty long since the killer wastes no time to off them once he got the chance. Thankfully, we did have some considerable casts that rightfully deserved their survival, not because they're developed, but because they're just pretty fun to have around.

Above all of this, I really love the effects in this film; hacked faces, necks chopped with battle axes, messy viscera, the only time it looked a little loopy was that one hand-hacking scene but the rest is a gorehound's paradise. Heck, even the zombie looks pretty cool; looking pass his odd choice of legwear, he looked pretty badass with his hooded cloak and chains. He has Jason Voorhees' spirit, backwoods stalking and painlessly unflinching whenever he gets damaged. The only odd thing about him is the whole impregnating goal; I dunno, I'm never for one in regards to necrophilia but...how exactly was he gonna do it? He used to be all bones and his current zombie state isn't any better so...? (Please don't go there. I beg you. Nekromantik was enough to scar me)

Eitherways, Grave Robbers isn't going to win for an original plot as this is basically The Omen intercoursed with a post-A New Beginning Friday The 13th sequel but the final product is a solid late 80s/early 90s slasher from Mexico that packs a whole lot of gory fun and good goodah. Check it out whenever you get the chance!

1 male hacked on the chest with a battle axe
1 male had his neck cut with a battle axe
1 male hacked on the forehead with a battle axe
2 victims seen murdered
1 female pulled into a pond, drowned
1 female had her head twisted
1 female killed, later found hanging from a tree
1 female beheaded with a battle axe
1 male disemboweled with a demonic arm
1 male had his neck crushed with a demonic arm
1 female hacked on the face with a battle axe
1 female had her head crushed through iron bars
1 male murdered offcamera
Total: 14

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Attack of Rambo Bates: Possession: Until Death Do You Part (1987)

Possession: Until Death Do you Part (1987)
Rating: **1/2
Starring: John Johnston, Sharlene Martin, Cat Williams

True to most cases, a collector's pride is to own every single thing that can be added to their hoard, no matter how rare or obscure it is.

It adds a sense of challenge and thrill to what could be a strange hobby and for that matter, I do consider this slasher collection of mine as my only successful hoard (even if most of them are digital downloads) and this blog, one of my records of this feat. (The other record is a set of journals where I listed the titles and death toll. Yeah, I'm that kind of weirdo)

From time to time, I did get to see some of the rarer and obscure titles to be released under this sub-genre, some of which are hard to get by and was generously provided to me by some cool peeps out there who shares my passion and was lucky enough to get their hands on one. Among them were titles like Shock-Diversão Diabólica(1984) , City in Panic (1986), Posed for Murder (1989) and Deadly Sins (1996); now, I (sort of) warmly welcome a new addition to these rarities: Possession: Until Death Do You Part (1987). Why sort of, you ask? Well...

Possession is a low-budget cauldron of melted cheese with Psycho (1960) and Friday the 13th (1980) as its main ingredients; the first half hour have Frankie, a psycho who lives with his mum and has a deadly fixation on finding the perfect girlfreind, playing around with Madeline, a woman he kidnapped from a nearby parking garage. He forces her to wear his mum's clothes before going in a childish fit and storm out when Madeline did not wear it right, wherein he is then lectured and warned by said mum (who apparently is well aware of her son's obsession and murderous streak) that she'll leave him "just like the others".

True enough, upon Frankie's return, Madeline managed to escape and ran all the way back to her friend's apartment. This sets Frankie to murder his own mum out of rage and hunt down for the one that got away, only to be chased down by pursuing cops after they were informed of his deeds. It all leads to a shoot-out at some docks, where Frankie's getaway rowboat explodes after being shot multiple times. (Yes. Apparently, 80s science involves rowboats that explodes when shot repeatedly enough)

Assuming he's dead, the girls decided to have some fun by going to the woods and party with hired male strippers. (I kid you not) Unfortunately for them, Frank's alive and he's continuing his stalking spree, killing off some of Madeline's gal pals, pizza guys, and dumb boyfriends before finding out where she's at via answering machine.

Plot-wise, Possession isn't all that interested in breaking any cliches that we'd seen millions of times from other slasher flicks of its era. If anything, though, they did attempt to give some character to their main killer by molding him after Psycho's own Norman Bates, mother-dominated and all, but once the girls head out to the woods, he was reduced to a snickering goofball with a camouflage face-paint and a mean machete. The rest of the cast are hardly memorable thanks to a horrible combination of amateurism, absence of characterization, and weak writing. Many of them died on screen without any real purpose apart from pumping up the kill count and I'm dang positive we were supposed to root for some of them, only I couldn't. For a lot of obviously good reason.

Thankfully, as much as the weak writing and disposable characters would have ruined this viewing experience, Possession has the charm of being "fun" outside the horror sequences. Yes, this is a slasher and the killings are supposed to be its main sell-point, but the murders are down-to-earth basic, like strangulation, stabbings, and one death by car engine, so there isn't much to go with on that department. Instead, the film won my attention for all the stupid things these characters do and all the weird shit you don't normally see in an ordinary hack-and-slash. I know we got female nudity as the staple exploit from this sub-genre, but Possession decided to cater for both men and women by giving us not one, but two male stripping scenes! (with sleekly oiled dude bums. Don't worry, we got at least 3 female shower scenes, if you're into that)

Not weird enough? How often do you get characters hopping to their car and track down the psycho who kidnapped their friend after the cops wouldn't do anything about it? Take note this actually happened 20 minutes into the film and the result is anything but scary! Or how about the fact that our killer mourns his dead mum's grave that is a cardboard-looking tombstone, simply saying "R.I.P. Mother"! I couldn't stop chuckling!

The film is hilariously bad that you can't help but simply shut off and just let the goofiness of the film sink in. Thankfully, the movie moves in a decent pace once the weird first 30 minutes of Z-grade psycho-drama was up, giving us all the basic slasher goodness that may or may not cater to your need for blood, guts, and feisty fondue.

Possession is simple a slasher and while it did show it was aiming for more than that, in the end, it is exactly just another film about a killer in the woods (and some apartments) offing people. It may had failed at giving us an original plot but its wonky direction, hilariously bad characters and quick pacing worked very well as a fail-safe that made this film bearable at a level. Not sure if I could recommend this but if you're open for bad cheese and/or rare slashers, then see it whenever you get the very slim chance!

1 female seen dead
1 female seen dead
1 female seen impaled on a spike
1 female pulled dead out of a trunk
1 elderly female strangled, neck broken
1 male knifed
1 female knifed on the back
1  male ran through with a screwdriver
1 male found knifed on the back
1 female drowned in a tub
1 male forced face-first to a car engine, shredded
1 male bludgeoned with a dead branch
1 female gets a throat cut with a knife
1 female had her throat crushed with a tightened belt
1 female stabbed with a scorched fire poker
Total: 15